Speed dating who goes
Also, the decision as to whether or not the mate is good can be made with the emotional boundary of the shadchan who, if so desired by the couple, can call and talk to either side in the beginning stages of the dating to iron out issues that can crop up during the dating process.
Usually as the couple see more of each other the shadchan backs away and lets the couple manage it themselves.
Since it is considered to have been foreordained by God whom one will marry, one's spouse is considered to be one's bashert by definition, independent of whether the couple's marital life works out well or not.
The first recorded shidduch in the Torah was the match that Eliezer, the servant of the Jewish patriarch Abraham, made for his master's son Isaac (Genesis Ch. Abraham gave him specific instructions to choose a woman from Abraham's own tribe.
Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed to them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac's wife.
Once this permission was granted, Rebekah joined Eliezer on the road home to Isaac.
It can also be used to express the seeming fate or destiny of an auspicious or important event, friendship, or happening.
In modern usage, Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly, and whom they will complement perfectly.
A typical bashow scene is that the young man with his parents goes to see the young woman in her house to see if the prospective couple are compatible.
Even so, Isaac gained his own impression of her before agreeing to marry her (Rashi, commentary to Genesis ).
However, when Eliezer proposes to take Rebekah back to Isaac in Canaan, he is told by Rebekah's family: "Let us ask the maiden" (i.e., Rebekah).
This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child's opinion in the balance during an arranged marriage.
Regardless of whether proper procedure is followed, this is not the end of the decision - it is believed by Jews that the final say belongs to God, who may have different plans (compare with the match of Jacob and Leah).